Thursday, September 18, 2008
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Dead Puppies show bark and bite in 64-39 over Spaghetti Cat
by Scott Priest
Joanna Douillette’s debut as WISFFL captain was spoiled by Matt Moore’s tastefully named Dead Puppies, who defeated Spaghetti Cat 64-39 at Vilmos Csizmadia Soccer Emporium Saturday.
The Puppies took a first-half lead on the strength of their widely renowned Chaos Theory offense, in which Father Scott Priest Holmes just kind of heaves the ball wherever he damn well pleases and Moore runs around like a wildebeest on acid.
Credit also goes to no. 2 wideout Steve Baccari, who earned game MVP honors with four touchdowns and a solid defensive showing, alternately shutting down Spaghetti Cat’s top receivers. With Spaghetti Cat’s defensive attention placed solely on Moore tenacious quadriceps, Baccari was able to find open space and collect passes from the Padre, who is better looking than Matt Cassel and gives off a warm pumpkin-y aroma.
Baccari scored three first-half touchdowns to go along with John Bertsch’s 1, plus a Bertsch extra point, which was successfully converted on the Puppies fourth straight attempt at the exact same goal line play. According to Laura Casasanto’s official score book, Baccari found himself making plays on defense as well, as she states, “1st half INTs: Steve, maybe more.”
Spaghetti Cat was close throughout the first half, behind the laser rocket arm of Davin Wilfrid Sucks. Alissa Nelson came running at the description of said arm, but found a #27 Giants jersey instead of a #18 Colts jersey and was no longer interested. Just kidding, she doesn’t come any more anyway because her quads or some shit are hurt. I’m not saying “Movers,” I’m saying, “Booooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.”
Wilfrid Sucks hit receiver Jay “I borrowed Adam's work ethic and may never return it” Henry for an early touchdown, and ran one in himself, making the score 25-12 with three minutes to go.
Down two scores, Spaghetti Cat knew to stay in it they had to score. Wilfrid Sucks hit newcomer David “Don’t Call Me Joanna” Douillette for a touchdown as time expired, and converted the extra point to Tyler Kennedy, who pahked the cah in Hahvahd yahd before displaying more football skills than everyone else combined times infinity.
With the Cat getting the ball back, down 25-19, the Dead Puppies knew they had to clamp down on defense. Moore, Baccari, and Priest rotated positions, and the Puppies changed their front line of Matt “I really could kick Stephanie’s ass” Walsh, Goozarooz Harding, and Bertsch to a more passive rush, keeping Wilfrid in front of them and making him beat them with his arm.
“I’ve seen Branden Mackenzie, and he ain’t no Branden Mackenzie,” said Moore while dusting off his Joey Harrington jersey. “We knew that eventually the picks would start coming.”
And did they.
The Dead Puppies ended the Cat’s next three drives with interceptions by Baccari, Bertsch, and Moore, and piled on touchdowns.
The Puppies spread the ball around in the 2nd half after focusing on Baccari in the first half. Baccari scored just once in the 2nd half, while Vilmos Csizmadia scored on three deep balls from the Padre, who also ran one in. Captain Moore added a score himself.
Spaghetti Cat threw many different looks at the Puppies on offense. Kennedy and Douillette each lined up at QB, relieving Wilfrid Sucks, who had been seen reading Boing Boing on his iPhone during plays behind center. “That shit is hilarious,” said the large, soar Viking. “These newscasters have no fucking idea why that video played. And the cat just sat there. And there’s a huge plate of spaghetti!”
At one point, Douillette lined up as QB deep in his own territory, and rolled out to the right. The hard-charging Walsh blitzed past the offensive line like mackerel past baleen and forced him out of bounds in the end zone for a safety. “All the credit goes to my lord and savior Jesus Christ, without whom none of this would be possible,” said Walsh, pointing the sky and popping his jersey.
As the game proceeded, each team dug into its playbook, showing different looks. With running plays, options, and the occasional WR-as-QB situation, everyone got in on the action, as is usually the case when Wilfrid Sucks is present. (He’s a slut, is what that means.)
Kristin Bent reeled in a number of passes in the flat and pretended it was soccer by juking her way down the field for some YAC. The Cat also spread the field looking for Wes Hosking downfield and in mid-range. The elder Douillette found her stride on defense, attacking the Padre with reckless abandon, sacking his immobile ass like it was her jobby job.
“I still love you,” she whispered as he gathered himself off the field.
The Puppies also spread the ball around, finding Gooz on a number of rollout possession receptions. “Did you know Scranton was a safe haven for slaves in Colonial America?” Gooz was seen saying to no one in particular.
When the sweat finally stopped pouring off their unconditioned bodies, the final score was 64-39, Dead Puppiesexhausted and unable to drive their cars home due to soreness rejoicing in glory.
Joanna Douillette’s debut as WISFFL captain was spoiled by Matt Moore’s tastefully named Dead Puppies, who defeated Spaghetti Cat 64-39 at Vilmos Csizmadia Soccer Emporium Saturday.
The Puppies took a first-half lead on the strength of their widely renowned Chaos Theory offense, in which Father Scott Priest Holmes just kind of heaves the ball wherever he damn well pleases and Moore runs around like a wildebeest on acid.
Credit also goes to no. 2 wideout Steve Baccari, who earned game MVP honors with four touchdowns and a solid defensive showing, alternately shutting down Spaghetti Cat’s top receivers. With Spaghetti Cat’s defensive attention placed solely on Moore tenacious quadriceps, Baccari was able to find open space and collect passes from the Padre, who is better looking than Matt Cassel and gives off a warm pumpkin-y aroma.
Baccari scored three first-half touchdowns to go along with John Bertsch’s 1, plus a Bertsch extra point, which was successfully converted on the Puppies fourth straight attempt at the exact same goal line play. According to Laura Casasanto’s official score book, Baccari found himself making plays on defense as well, as she states, “1st half INTs: Steve, maybe more.”
Spaghetti Cat was close throughout the first half, behind the laser rocket arm of Davin Wilfrid Sucks. Alissa Nelson came running at the description of said arm, but found a #27 Giants jersey instead of a #18 Colts jersey and was no longer interested. Just kidding, she doesn’t come any more anyway because her quads or some shit are hurt. I’m not saying “Movers,” I’m saying, “Booooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.”
Wilfrid Sucks hit receiver Jay “I borrowed Adam's work ethic and may never return it” Henry for an early touchdown, and ran one in himself, making the score 25-12 with three minutes to go.
Down two scores, Spaghetti Cat knew to stay in it they had to score. Wilfrid Sucks hit newcomer David “Don’t Call Me Joanna” Douillette for a touchdown as time expired, and converted the extra point to Tyler Kennedy, who pahked the cah in Hahvahd yahd before displaying more football skills than everyone else combined times infinity.
With the Cat getting the ball back, down 25-19, the Dead Puppies knew they had to clamp down on defense. Moore, Baccari, and Priest rotated positions, and the Puppies changed their front line of Matt “I really could kick Stephanie’s ass” Walsh, Goozarooz Harding, and Bertsch to a more passive rush, keeping Wilfrid in front of them and making him beat them with his arm.
“I’ve seen Branden Mackenzie, and he ain’t no Branden Mackenzie,” said Moore while dusting off his Joey Harrington jersey. “We knew that eventually the picks would start coming.”
And did they.
The Dead Puppies ended the Cat’s next three drives with interceptions by Baccari, Bertsch, and Moore, and piled on touchdowns.
The Puppies spread the ball around in the 2nd half after focusing on Baccari in the first half. Baccari scored just once in the 2nd half, while Vilmos Csizmadia scored on three deep balls from the Padre, who also ran one in. Captain Moore added a score himself.
Spaghetti Cat threw many different looks at the Puppies on offense. Kennedy and Douillette each lined up at QB, relieving Wilfrid Sucks, who had been seen reading Boing Boing on his iPhone during plays behind center. “That shit is hilarious,” said the large, soar Viking. “These newscasters have no fucking idea why that video played. And the cat just sat there. And there’s a huge plate of spaghetti!”
At one point, Douillette lined up as QB deep in his own territory, and rolled out to the right. The hard-charging Walsh blitzed past the offensive line like mackerel past baleen and forced him out of bounds in the end zone for a safety. “All the credit goes to my lord and savior Jesus Christ, without whom none of this would be possible,” said Walsh, pointing the sky and popping his jersey.
As the game proceeded, each team dug into its playbook, showing different looks. With running plays, options, and the occasional WR-as-QB situation, everyone got in on the action, as is usually the case when Wilfrid Sucks is present. (He’s a slut, is what that means.)
Kristin Bent reeled in a number of passes in the flat and pretended it was soccer by juking her way down the field for some YAC. The Cat also spread the field looking for Wes Hosking downfield and in mid-range. The elder Douillette found her stride on defense, attacking the Padre with reckless abandon, sacking his immobile ass like it was her jobby job.
“I still love you,” she whispered as he gathered himself off the field.
The Puppies also spread the ball around, finding Gooz on a number of rollout possession receptions. “Did you know Scranton was a safe haven for slaves in Colonial America?” Gooz was seen saying to no one in particular.
When the sweat finally stopped pouring off their unconditioned bodies, the final score was 64-39, Dead Puppies
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Talking Disney princesses, sucky quarterbacks, and WISBowl III preparations with Joanna Douillette
“When I found out, I got excited and jumped up and down.”
That’s how the Bridgewater-via-Brockton native Joanna Douillette described her reaction when Matt Moore and Nick Fox appointed her co-commissioner of WISFFL, upon Fox’s defection to Maryland.
Douillette knew she was the front-runner all along, beating out a few other candidates due to her experience with the administrative work of the league. She undertook the arduous task of creating the WISFFL sweatshirts by tapping an old contact who produced high school athletic wear, communicating back and forth for weeks until the appropriate colors were delivered. She arranged for the field of WISBowl II. And she’s committed herself to the improvement of the quality of play by participating in the combine and working on developing her own skills as a pass-catcher.
“I started out as a blocker, but I’ve evolved over time,” says the part Scottish-Italian-French-Canadian-English-Native American Douillette. “Now I can catch passes, and I think my athletic ability has improved.”
Douillette attributed this in part to attending events that were all-male, such as the combine (“well, Alissa was there, but she’s pretty much a machine”), but also to this being her maiden voyage into team sports.
“In high school, I ran cross-country and track, but this feels different,” says Douillette as she doodles sketches of herself making out with Matt Cassel. “WISFFL makes you work together. This is the first serious team I’ve been on where it’s not about the individual. You have to connect with your teammates, and it doesn’t matter if I can run faster than someone if I can’t catch a pass or coordinate a block. When I was a kid, everyone got a trophy. In WISFFL, there’s only one winner. No one feels like a loser, but you aspire to win.”
Douillette is not only concerned with her own contributions – she demonstrates a keen interest in the strategy of the league, both on and off the field.
“I prefer a run-based offense,” says Douillette, the creator of famous WISFFL plays “Mermaid” and “Boxcar.” She’s known for these and other pie-in-the-sky plays – who can forget “SAP,” the play in which the terminology changes halfway through and everyone gets confused and falls over – but aspires to revamp her contributions to also be those of a useful nature.
“Nick was a great leader,” says Douillette. “Very smart. More rational than Matt, who’s pure passion. They complemented each other well. I need to work on things like making teams even, and accounting for people dropping out of games late.”
“WISBowl II was tough,” says Douillette, whose team lost handily. “In the 1st quarter, I knew the teams weren’t right. Not to take anything away from them – Branden [Mackenzie, 95-96, 8 bazillion yards, 400 touchdowns] had a breakout game. But it’s more fun for everyone if the teams are fairly even and it’s a competitive game.”
Here, Douillette pauses and recalls WISBowl I. “A gem,” she says. “It was more competitive, Davin was there, it was really a great game.”
Though Douillette looks back frequently on past seasons, she’s ready to throw herself full-boar into season 3.
“I’d love to have our own stadium with lights and a bunch of fans, and trophies and jerseys, but I have to think more realistically. I’d love to leave a legacy beyond me and Matt, a good core group of people who have a lot of fun out there.”
Season 3’s major changes include a switch back to weekend games from weekdays that were featured in the spring season, due to more consistent appearances and less tired players.
“We seemed to have an easier time getting over hangovers than rousing up energy after work.”
Further, WISBowl III is strategically scheduled. “It’s actually football season,” says Douillette. “It just feels right out there. Plus, we get to fit WISBowl III in before we have to travel for fall conferences.”
Sounds like Douillette has replaced Fox after all.
“Oh,” she says, “and I want fireworks.”
That’s how the Bridgewater-via-Brockton native Joanna Douillette described her reaction when Matt Moore and Nick Fox appointed her co-commissioner of WISFFL, upon Fox’s defection to Maryland.
Douillette knew she was the front-runner all along, beating out a few other candidates due to her experience with the administrative work of the league. She undertook the arduous task of creating the WISFFL sweatshirts by tapping an old contact who produced high school athletic wear, communicating back and forth for weeks until the appropriate colors were delivered. She arranged for the field of WISBowl II. And she’s committed herself to the improvement of the quality of play by participating in the combine and working on developing her own skills as a pass-catcher.
“I started out as a blocker, but I’ve evolved over time,” says the part Scottish-Italian-French-Canadian-English-Native American Douillette. “Now I can catch passes, and I think my athletic ability has improved.”
Douillette attributed this in part to attending events that were all-male, such as the combine (“well, Alissa was there, but she’s pretty much a machine”), but also to this being her maiden voyage into team sports.
“In high school, I ran cross-country and track, but this feels different,” says Douillette as she doodles sketches of herself making out with Matt Cassel. “WISFFL makes you work together. This is the first serious team I’ve been on where it’s not about the individual. You have to connect with your teammates, and it doesn’t matter if I can run faster than someone if I can’t catch a pass or coordinate a block. When I was a kid, everyone got a trophy. In WISFFL, there’s only one winner. No one feels like a loser, but you aspire to win.”
Douillette is not only concerned with her own contributions – she demonstrates a keen interest in the strategy of the league, both on and off the field.
“I prefer a run-based offense,” says Douillette, the creator of famous WISFFL plays “Mermaid” and “Boxcar.” She’s known for these and other pie-in-the-sky plays – who can forget “SAP,” the play in which the terminology changes halfway through and everyone gets confused and falls over – but aspires to revamp her contributions to also be those of a useful nature.
“Nick was a great leader,” says Douillette. “Very smart. More rational than Matt, who’s pure passion. They complemented each other well. I need to work on things like making teams even, and accounting for people dropping out of games late.”
“WISBowl II was tough,” says Douillette, whose team lost handily. “In the 1st quarter, I knew the teams weren’t right. Not to take anything away from them – Branden [Mackenzie, 95-96, 8 bazillion yards, 400 touchdowns] had a breakout game. But it’s more fun for everyone if the teams are fairly even and it’s a competitive game.”
Here, Douillette pauses and recalls WISBowl I. “A gem,” she says. “It was more competitive, Davin was there, it was really a great game.”
Though Douillette looks back frequently on past seasons, she’s ready to throw herself full-boar into season 3.
“I’d love to have our own stadium with lights and a bunch of fans, and trophies and jerseys, but I have to think more realistically. I’d love to leave a legacy beyond me and Matt, a good core group of people who have a lot of fun out there.”
Season 3’s major changes include a switch back to weekend games from weekdays that were featured in the spring season, due to more consistent appearances and less tired players.
“We seemed to have an easier time getting over hangovers than rousing up energy after work.”
Further, WISBowl III is strategically scheduled. “It’s actually football season,” says Douillette. “It just feels right out there. Plus, we get to fit WISBowl III in before we have to travel for fall conferences.”
Sounds like Douillette has replaced Fox after all.
“Oh,” she says, “and I want fireworks.”
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