Official Sweatshirts Now Available for the Holiday Season

The sweatshirts for WISFFL have been finalized!! Now you can stay nice and warm in sub-zero temperatures, whether you're playing on the Joe Lauducci ACL Memorial Field, attending a Patriots game, or hiding outside waiting to ambush Vilmos with snowballs because he can't strike back because of his sad little wrist. (Tip: Don't attack Eric with snowballs.)

The sweatshirt design is as follows:
Grey hoodies
WISFFL 07 logo on the front of the sweatshirt over the heart.
Personalized name on one sleeve
8.5"x11" version of Matteo's WISFFL color logo on the back

(Thanks to Stephanie A. Smith for the fantastic design.)

Sweatshirts are $30 each. Get two or three ... they make fantastic Christmas/Hanukkah gifts!

The size chart is as follows:
S: 34-36
M: 38-40
L: 42-44
XL: 46-48
XXL: 50-52

If you're interested in getting one, please get Joanna your money (check or cash, it doesn't matter) by next Tuesday, December 4 at 4 pm.

If you don't get your money to her by that time, then you don't get one!

When you bring your money, you will write down EXACTLY what you want your name to say on the sleeve and what size you want.

Moore Guts, Moore Glory Triumphs on Overtime Scamper by Anointed Savior of Mankind

by Groins McWilfrid

No one will ever confuse Matt Moore for Barry Sanders, except for Scott Priest, who, upon hearing of Moore's 20-yard game-winning dash through the Team Yellow backfield, imagined Moore cutting, twisting, and contorting his body to avoid contact with defender after defender, leaving a trail of broken ankles and heartbreak in his wake.

Snap out of it, Priest. He's just younger and faster than the rest of us. And he had Brian "Lorenzo" Geever blocking for him.

The winning run put the thick, frothy head on the ice cold beer that was Saturday afternoon's WISFFL game. The game was tied for most of the contest, including a long spell where both teams had 12 points and MGMG repeatedly thwarted Team Yellow's efforts to punch one in the end zone from short yardage.

MGMG opened up the scoring almost immediately as Kristen "Rohan Davey" Marvelle lined up at QB, her eyes hidden behind sunglasses large enough to use as a tobaggen in more inclement conditions. Sensing a trick play, the TY defense crashed the offensive line, while Marvelle launched a 25 yard bomb down the middle of the field, which was caught by a streaking Moore for the longest passing TD in WISFFL history (maybe?).

TY answered back on the next possession, as a broken play allowed QB Davin Wilfrid to scramble into the end zone from 10 yards out. Wilfrid's groin and hamstrings tried to call for a timeout halfway through the run, but were ignored by officials.

The teams went into the half tied at 12-12. The score would remain that way for the entire 3rd quarter, as MGMG's rotating cast of QBs repeatedly found wide-open TY defenders. TY could not capitalize on these miscues, however, driving deep into MGMG territory on successive possessions, only to be thwarted by stellar defensive play from Adam Gelinas, whose flag-grabbing hands are faster than an industrial chicken-plucking machine, and Geever, who finished the game with 82 tackles, four strips of T-shirt, seven fingers, and 12 actual tackles.

TY would have scored on about 5 plays, but QB Wilfrid repeatedly missed a wide-open Dana Sillers.

MGMG scored early in the fourth quarter on a Tim Lavigne pass to Jason Renda, who caught the ball at the line of scrimmage, then pretended to be under 33 and ran the rest of the way. TY answered right back on a Vilmos Csizmadia interception, which the Hungarian Jackrabbit ran back for a TD.

On its first overtime possession, TY again drove to within three yards of the winning score, but were unable to convert on multiple attempts from close range.

MGMG capitalized on its first overtime possession, as Moore lined up at QB, took the snap, and immediately took off down the field. Geever blocked a blitzing Wilfrid to spring Moore around the outside and Moore did the rest, simply running around the remainder of TY defenders and into the end zone to seal the win.

Five Burning Questions Roundtable

Banter between Nick and Matt with predictions from Scott and answers from Laura, the length of which correspond to the number of the question.

1. How long can Stephanie Smith continue to get away with holding?

Laura on the Level: Forever.

Matt: First of all, I don't know what you are talking about. She has legally anchored a rock-solid line for my team two weeks in a row. However, if she tries any of this so-called "holding" now that she's no longer on my team? She won't last one play. I have a Mr. Eric Warner ready to regulate. It will be like the boulder in the cave in Raiders of the Lost Ark. Except the boulder runs him over this time. And there will be Nazis on the field. And Gimli.

Nick: I think you must be getting bad intel, because word on the street is that Eric Warner will be getting his lion's mane of hair trimmed for more aerodynamic rushing in future games, and thus won't be present on game day

Matt: Why don't you answer the question at hand, Hillary. That fact is, we won't tolerate any holding. Matteo will run an errand right through her.

Nick: The real fact is this: We're a well-coached, well-respected team in this league, with good fundamentals. Get down in your best three point stance and bring it.

Padre's Prediction: Holding? What holding? All I know is Stephanie Smith is a lovely wife and mother. She should not be questioned ever.



2. Who will step up as quarterback for Moore Guts More Glory?

Laura on the Level: Matt Walsh.

Nick: I think "step up" is a misnomer here, because it implies someone is going to do well, and I just don't see that happening against the Yellow Team (The Quick Brown Fox Jumped Over the Lazy Moore) defense.

Matt: Your team name now sounds like a Fall Out Boy song. Which is ironic, because their songs also suck. Look, we will be fine at quarterback. We have about five potential candidates depending on the situation. You've seen how QB rotations can work. Look at the Cardinals this year. And look at the Bears...I mean the Falcons...I mean--you know what the Redskins suck.

Nick: While you spend time on song names, we'll spend our time developing a defensive scheme to get keep Davin on pace for his 20 INT, hall of fame season.

Matt: The song title that best describes Davin's pick total? Smashing Pumpkins - "Zero." Our collective TD to INT ratio? Tool - "Forty-Six and 2"

Padre's Prediction: I foresee a Renda/Breidenstine/Moore cycle depending on matchups. I think the playbook will have to be creative--misdirection, running plays, options, etc. That, or Leigh Murphy.



3. How will Adam Gelinas, Kristen Marvelle, Stephanie Casey, and Leigh Murphy fare in their debut?

Laura on the Level: Very well, thanks.

Matt: Is this a serious question? The Big Four have the privilege of playing on my team, and they will prove any doubter wrong. Gelinas and Casey will bring their softball prowess to the gridiron. Leigh is more famous than anyone on the field. As for Kristen? Well, I don't even want to hint at what's shes scheming for this weekend. Just know that she is the Kordell Stewart of this team--think versatility sans abysmal play. They are like Superman, Ivan Drago, Achilles, and, Jason Vorhees. The only things that can stop them are kryptonite, Rocky, an arrow to the heel, and Corey Feldman.

Nick: I don't want to focus on the negatives of the newcomers (though there are many). Instead, let's focus on the positives - none of them are playing on my team.

Matt: I'm going to go talk to Sean about pop culture references since you clearly can't keep up.

Nick: If you think it's tough to keep up with Sean's 80s New England Sports references, just wait until you see him shredding your secondary on game day

Padre's Prediction:
- Gelinas will be slower than expected as the camera around his neck will probably weigh him down a bit. Padre's prediction: 6 receptions, 58 yards, 2 broken lenses.

- Steph Casey's performance will be entirely decided upon whether she wears her highstockings, and also whether Matt Moore keeps her the requisite 20 feet away from Renda as required by Massachusetts law. Padre's prediction: 4 receptions, 24 yards, one completed TD pass on a trick play, one "accidental" kick to Couch's groin.

- I heard Kristen Marvelle say that she would do anything for the victory, and that's the kind of spirit Matt Moore values, so I expect only great things from her. Padre's prediction: 1 victory.

- Leigh Murphy: We all know Leigh is more famous than Dana Carvey. But what about Tom Brady? Randy Moss? Craphonso Thorpe? These will be the questions Leigh needs to answer Saturday. Padre's prediction: 2 receptions, 9 yards, 1 carry, 23 yards, 47 unreturned zingers tossed Matt Moore's way.



4. How strong will the Davin Wilfrid/Sean Edwards connection be?

Laura on the Level: More than you know.

Nick: As crystal clear, perfectly crafted, and glisteningly beautiful as a 10 karat diamond.

Matt: Yeah, a blood diamond. While you fantasize about materialistic, fleeting beauty gained through the evils of capitalism, I will dream up the ultimate defensive scheme to disrupt this duo. You think the Tampa 2 was good? You like the New Jersey trap? My Belichickian playmaking will make Wilfrid/Freddie Mitchell as successful as the Spears/Federline marriage.

Nick: Let's get back to the question at hand. How strong is this combo? Too strong! (Remember the Titans reference, anyone?) As in, too strong for your excuse for cornerbacks.

Matt: You want strong? Try some delicious Natty Ice. You want a fake football team motto? Try CLEAR EYES. FULL HEARTS. CAN'T LOSE. (Friday Night Lights--please watch Friday nights at 9 p.m. on NBC so it doesn't get canceled). You want crap? Try Denzel Washington and the Q.B.F.J.O.T.L.M. passing attack.

Padre's Prediction: The Wilfrid/Edwards combo will rank in the annals between Joey Harrington/Roddy White and JP Losman/Lee Evans. It will rank significantly below the Priest/Moore connection. Padre's prediction: 12 completions, 100 yards, 3 touchdowns, but a losing effort, so who the fuck cares?



5. Will Matteo show up? Who will block him (if not the need to "run errands")?

Laura on the Level: Probably, like, a shiny object.

Matt: Everyone should just calm down. Last week was just Matteo being Matteo. He will be there Saturday ready to go. All we need is to find his football, put it on a leash, and tie it to his head so it won't get lost again. Quite simply, there is NO ONE in the WISFFL who can block or get by Matteo. It's like hitting a brick wall.

Nick: Will he show up? I sure hope so! Matteo might be a force on the line, but he's also a force in the huddle. Namely, calling extravagant, intricate, over-the-top 60 second plays after every down that will surely result in total confusion for their offense, and about 47 delay of game penalties as well.

Matt: Our receivers will be Gone in 60 seconds...gone into the endzone, zing! Our playmaking will be much simpler than it was for poorly managed Team Yellow. The fact that you can only lash out at his play calling ability shows how much of a force Matteo is physically. The only confusion will be Q.B.F.J.O.T.L.M. when they try to think of their team name.

Nick: Poorly managed? We won 43-20! Imagine the TDs that could have been had we not eaten up 40% of the game in the huddle. As for Matteo, we plan on neutralizing his physical ability with a mix of biting, scratching, chop blocks, and harsh words about his hair. That's right Matteo, your hair.

Padre's Prediction: If it's anything like the first game, the ground will probably do a fine job blocking Mr. Gulla.



BONUS: Who will win? MVP?

Laura on the Level: Everybody's an MVP and it's a tie.

Padre's Pregame Prediction: Moore Guts More Glory 33, Other Team 30. MVP: Matt Moore, who else? LVP: Davin Wilfrid. He sucks.

Week 2 in Pictures

Pregame Warm-ups for The Foxxxy Ladies

Moore Better Than You Lines Up

Joe Theis--Lauducci Tosses One Deep Over a Leaping Renda

Sillers Makes a Reception in Front of Zomer


Breidenstine arrives ... FINALLY ...

... and Promptly Picks off Lauducci

Eric Frightens Everyone

Edwards Cannot Escape Priest Despite Barrett's Blocking

Priest Scrambles Before Dumping it Off

Scott Makes a Desparation Heave

Walsh Celebrates After Recording a Tackle Despite the Clock Ticking Down to a Moore Better Than You Victory

Photos Courtesy of Laura (on Wes' Camera)

Eric vs. Stephanie

Part I - The Hold

Part II - The Retaliation

Photography by Joanna

Week 3 Injury Report

INJURED RESERVE
Joe Lauducci (ACL)


OUT
Wes Hosking (Hamstring)


QUESTIONABLE
Alissa Nelson (Thumb) *Downgraded from PROBABLE
Ari Zomer (Calf, Hamstring, Hip Flexor, Back, Head, Shoulder, Knee)
Matteo Gulla (Running Errands)


PROBABLE
Dana Sillers (Hamstring)
Matt Moore (Ankle)
Matt Walsh (Out of Shape)
Stephanie Smith (Quadricep x2)

Timely Interceptions Preserve 39-37 Victory for Moore Better Than You

By Jerzy Jerz Wilfridsson

Peer advisee extraordinaire Matt Moore captained Moore Better Than You to a 39-37 victory over the Foxxxy Ladies at Ellis Hobbs III Memorial Stadium Saturday afternoon.

Moore reeled in two touchdown receptions and an extra point* before leaving in the 4th quarter because he had better things to do.

Moore’s leadership skills were questioned early on when several members of the team failed to show up to the highly anticipated matchup, for which Moore had prepared by ignoring work and saying hateful things to rival captain Nick Fox throughout the workday Friday. But when the game got under way, Moore’s team played with a coalescence unseen in the first game.

When reached for comment, Moore said, “Raaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh,” or at least that’s all we could hear from the death metal blaring from his car stereo.

The Foxxxy Ladies held a 31-25 lead late in the 4th when Father Scott Priest connected with someone or maybe rushed it in to tie things up at 31, he doesn’t remember. A successful extra point pushed Moore Better Than You to a one-point lead, needing a defensive stop to keep the Foxxxy Ladies from victory. On the first play of the drive Kyle Breidenstine>Joe Mendes repped PA something fierce, running back an interception for what would prove to be the winning touchdown. The successful point-after pushed the Moore Better Than You lead to 39-31.

The Foxxxy Ladies would not go down quietly, as Ken “Nelly’s Second-Favorite Scott” Scott picked apart a tired Moore Better Than You defense, gaining a first down at midfield with a minute remaining. Scott connected with Sean “Why Don’t You Young Bastards Get My Pop Culture References from the Late-80s/Early-90s?” Edwards on a slant over the middle and Priest, playing an extremely lazy deep-safety managed to tackle Edwards ten yards outside the end zone.

Scott picked his way through the defense and the Foxxxy Ladies scored somehow, probably on a run by Edwards, or maybe it was Dana Sillers’ reception in the back of the end zone. Down 39-37, the Foxxxy Ladies faced a ten-yard two-point conversion, and lined up with Edwards in the backfield. Moore Better Than You called a timeout, adjusted its stalwart defense, and when play resumed, outside linebacker Couch Renda pulled in an interception at the goal line, icing the game.

The game was much smoother than the WIS crew’s first attempt, thanks to more open field in 7-on-7 and then 6-on-6 competition, non-hurricane-impeded conditions, and revamped playbooks for each side.

Priest, for instance, displayed a revolutionary new quarterbacking technique, throwing a remarkable 427 completed passes to linemen or slot receivers for no gain. The Padre also pulled his left, right, northwest, orthodox, south, lateral, east, middle, and medium groin muscles in his various attempts to avoid the rabid pass rushes of Eric “One of Mike Vick’s Dogs” Warner.

Moore Better Than You featured several standout receiving performances, including deep touchdown receptions by Moore and Kyle Breidenstine>Joe Mendes. Moore and Breidenstine>Mendes each also pulled in extraordinary sideline grabs, Breidenstine>Mendes’ for a one-point conversion and Moore’s for his second TD of the day. Moore stood out as the team’s greatest celebrator, perfecting his half-spinning-semi-chest-bump-jumping-thing with Priest by his third score.

For the most part, though, it was a possession-dominated game, as Ari “a fusion of Wes Welker and Troy Brown circa 2001” Zomer hauled in several quick slants and hooks to keep drives alive, and Couch Renda had more receptions as an eligible offensive lineman than Mike Vrabel on acid.

Nelly Nelson provided an offensive spark for Moore Better Than You, running circles around her boss and boytoy, before jamming her thumb on some unknown play, which was undoubtedly Scott’s fault. Scott slept on the couch.

Davin Wilfrid sucks.

Steph “Diesel” Smith did an admirable job keeping the foaming-at-the-mouth Warner at bay, using her patented “I will blatantly hold you because no one is going to call a penalty” blocking technique to buy Priest time to scramble with the adroit running style of John Goodman in quicksand.

Wes Hosking reeled in a couple of catches, including a highlight-reel grab off a deflection off Renda’s hands for an important first down in the 3rd quarter. Said Hosking, “I do what I do, motherfuckers.”

Scott quarterbacked the Foxxxy Ladies valiantly after starting QB Joe Lauducci went down with an injury just before halftime. Scott teamed up with Fox, Edwards, Sillers, Tim Lavigne (who gets mad props for taking Lauducci to the hospital), and Mike Melo to advance the ball downfield against a bend-don’t-break Moore Better Than You defense throughout the afternoon. Warner, Chase Barrett, and Matt “Steph Smith Says I’m Cuddly” Walsh provided a solid offensive line behind which Scott was given ample time to scramble before finding open receivers.

The next game is slated for some future time, probably Saturday.

*All stats are verified through the Elias Sports Bureau. And by that, I mean that they are blatant fabrications.

Seeing Double

Stephanie Prepares for Week 2

Early miscues open door to 43-20 rout for Team Yellow

by Arantxa Sanchez Vicario

Late in the fourth quarter of Team Yellow's 43-20 victory over Team Red at Ellis Stadium on Saturday, diminutive Team Yellow flanker Susie Harding grabbed rookie QB Davin Wilfrid by the collar and barked into his face.

"I'm going down the left sideline. I'll be open. Throw me the fucking ball," Harding demanded.

Wilfrid received the ensuing snap, looked right, and fired left to a wide-open Harding, who charged into the end zone for Team Yellow's only extra point conversion of the contest.

That play was about the only precise thing that happened in a game obscured by intermittent rainfall, near-freezing temperatures, gale winds, and Matteo Gulla's insane play calling.

Team Yellow jumped out to an early lead on the first drive of the game when a broken play opened a huge hole for Wilfrid, who scrambled into the end zone. Wilfrid took advantage of Kyle Breidenstine's McNabb-like passing on the first Team Red possession, intercepting a pass and running it back for Team Yellow's second touchdown.

Yellow would finish the half with a 30-0 lead on the strength of touchdown passes to Scott "I really wasn't that psyched to come here today" Priest and Vilmos "The Wrist" Csizmadia, and another interception return.

Team Red regrouped in the second half
as Breidenstine and Ken "Hi, I'm Ken" Scott alternated at QB. Red found its running and short passing game as Breidenstine, Scott, Matt Moore, Mike Melo, and Sean Edwards took turns rifling through the backfield for short yardage gains. Edwards also set the all-time flag football record for amount of times getting tackled as his flags crept inch-by-inch up under his rain-soaked gray hoodie.

Moore had two picks and Edwards one as Red stormed back, largely on the strength of Joann Douillette's homegrown "Mermaid" play, in which invisible sea creatures breathe life back into Tom Hanks.

Team Red also found new life in the play of Alissa "Peyton" Nelson. Like her hero, Nelson was accurate, competent, and jovial while winning -- and then blamed her teammates for the loss. Nelson will now star in 67 off-season commercials.

Also setting the tone for Team Red was Stephanie Smith, whose innovative blocking techniques kept Gulla at bay on the line of scrimmage. After each snap, Gulla could be heard moaning "I think that's holding..." as he was dragged to his demise in four inches of freezing mud.

Gulla also won the Microsoft Vista
award for needlessly overcomplicated play-calling for his three-act play in which temp QB Dana was supposed to feign anger at Csizmadia's off-positioning and walk away, leaving the ball to be snapped to real QB Wilfrid. Explaining the play took longer than did the play itself, which resulted in a sack.

Anyway, Red pulled within striking distance at 30-20, but then Yellow found its game again as Nick Fox adroitly picked off a Scott pass and ran it back for a TD. Harding contributed a huge pick-off late in the game.

Game 2 is this Saturday. Same time, same place.