Fox, expecting call from Hall of Fame any day now, leads Flock of Seagulls to victory

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Nick "The Artist Formerly Known as Stonehands" Fox pulled in three touchdown receptions to lead Flock of Seagulls to a 28-18 victory over Raven's Flock Wednesday evening in Norwood.

Following an embarrassing beatdown the previous week, Fox teamed up with Father Scott Priest for three scores and a handful of other catches on a day known for its defense over offense.

The game, after a half-hour delay to allow Vilmos "The Hungarian Stare-ian" Csizmadia to ogle a junior high girls' lacross practice, started out with Matt Moore's Raven's Flock (RF) receiving the ball. After a series of completed passes, Davin Wilfrid Sucks threw an interception to Branden "Taking it deep" Mackenzie, to open the door for Flock of Seagulls (FOS).

QB Father Scott Priest opened the drive with a screen pass to Fox, who did his best Joanna Douillette impression and took it the length of the field for the game's first score. Hating to be compared to Douillette, Fox mauled a nearby dog and graffiti'd the field's signage.

Another interception, this time by Christian "Matteo without the goofy smile" Zuniga, put FOS in good field position. The Padre hit Sean "Deion Sanders without the bling" Warnock for a TD to go up two scores, and completed the two-point conversion to put the score to 14-0.

RF temporarily solved FOS's typically lockdown defense by scoring on a deep pass to Jay "Clubhouse Cancer" Henry with a few minutes to go before halftime. Looking to get the score back, the Padre put on his proverbial Drew Bledsoe jersey and promptly threw a ball into quintuple coverage, which Matt Moore came away with and returned for the score. A FOS stop kept the score at 14-12.

After a 12 nanosecond halftime, FOS returned to the field without Mackenzie, who took it a little too deep and injured his groin, but was replaced by Cara Bradley, who spent the entire second half physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally abusing Jeison Bellini Ortega.

Priest forgot that he still had that goddamn Bledsoe jersey on and failed again, this time being sacked and failing to get a 1-yard completion on 4th down. Jay "I'll make Ryan Leaf's postgame interviews look like a chat with Barbara Walters" Henry, Wilfrid Sucks, and Moore were confusing the bejesus out of Priest on defense and he didn't appreciate it much at all.

The short field and a positively D'Brickashaw Ferguson-like o-line performance by Bellini allowed Wilfrid Sucks to find Nelly Nelson for a great catch over the middle, setting up a Wilfrid Sucks scamper for the touchdown. A failed conversion attempt found RF up 18-14, but a quick drive ending in another Fox touchdown (we're as surprised as you, dear reader) put FOS back in front at 20-18.

Matt's flock would not be denied, however, and still felt momentum on their side and other such athletic cliches.

Though physically spent and without a substitute due to Mackenzie's groinal ouchies, FOS locked down on the RF attack, with Warnock, Zuniga, and Csizmadia teaming up for a consistent pass rush. Wilfrid Sucks attempted on several occasions to connect with the typically dynamic Moore, but failed on account of miscommunication and the Padre being draped on him like a stubbly 19-year old frat boy on Miley Cyrus. Gross. Wilfrid Sucks worked his way around this by connecting with John Bertsch, whose baby blue t-shirt was absolutely stunning, on short passes, and advancing the ball with quarterback rushes.

RF got the ball into the red zone, but on 4th and goal Wilfrid Sucks forced the ball to Moore and Priest stepped in front for the pick. With the sun going down like [edited for mature content], FOS collected themselves and looked for the insurance score. With under two minutes on the clock, Padre rolled out to the right, evaded a charging Wilfrid Sucks and spun around Bellini, finding Fox one stride ahead of Jay "I make Carl Everett look like Kevin Millar" Henry over the middle. Fox took it to the house and Priest ran in the 2-point conversion to put the lead out of reach.

When reached for comment, Moore dug up a gas line under the field, lit it on fire, and then inhaled exhaust fumes in his garage for 3 hours.

Fox was so pleased with his Jerry Rice impression that he enrolled in Dancing with the Stars.

Wilfrid Sucks, who threw more interceptions (4) than completions to his star receiver Moore (negative-8), found solice in his iPhone. "She just knows when I need her," sobbed the Norwegian zombie slayer.